Friday, April 25, 2014

All things that wander are not lost...but some are

I have, I know it, a few scraps of plaid fabric.  I would like to find them. 

So far, they have remained elusive.

I have a bad feeling that I am going to have to move a number of big heavy bins to get to the one where they may be lurking. know how that goes.  The last place you look usually is where the item is.

Although it would not have been there if you chose that place to look first.  There is some kind of unwritten rule about that, I think. 

There are a lot of unwritten rules when it comes to tracking down stuff you KNOW you have, but just can't find.

The item well could be exactly where its supposed to be.  This is alarming, and often mildly upsetting.  What?  The hat is on the hat rack?  Really?? How can this be??? 

If it's something nobody else would have messed with,  it will be precisely where you put it the last time you used it.  This is frustrating.  You can't remember any of those details - not how, not when, not where, nor why.  And additionally, you can't pass the blame.  'THEY moved it and didn't put it back properly' won't fly.  And it's hard to admit that YOU moved it and don't have a clue.

There is an additional force involved in The Search For Something that must be addressed.

It is the Theory of Expansion. Say you are looking for a piece of fabric, or a ball of yarn.  Or a Chinese bird's nest, or a chunk of Kryptonite.  WHAT it is doesn't matter in the least.  Theory of Expansion functions equally well on all earthly and unearthly matter.

Here's how it works:  You have a bin full of (fabric/balls of yarn/bird's nests/ Kryptonite) and you must look through it to find the desired (fabric/ball of yarn/
bird's nest/chunk of Kryptonite).  To do so, you may need to remove some - or perhaps all - of these items from the container.  This is unfortunate, because when you fail to find the object of your search, you will need to replace the stuff (crap/junk/junque/garbage) you off-loaded.  It will not fit back into the bin.  

The Theory of Expansion has a corollary theory, which I shall call the Corollary of Undiminishing Returns.

How does that work, you ask?  (You HAVE to ask.  Otherwise I am just here chatting to myself, replying to myself, and sometimes really cracking up over my crazy sense of humor.  It's much better if you ask.  I will pretend you have.)

So, the Corollary of Undiminishing Returns is thus:  You have 10 items in a bin.   These items all fit nicely.  And lo and behold, 2 of them are what you had been searching for!  Kaloo-kally!  Frabjous Day!!!  You FOUND THEM!!!  

But don't get all over the moon quite yet.  You have eight items to return to the bin.  They will not fit.

There are more corollaries and various exceptions to them that need to be discussed, but not now.  I'm too depressed.  

AND I think I might be allergic to bird's nests.